Don’t Miss the Green Light

In my last blog post, I talked about how I don’t want to be a backseat driver with God’s plans in my life. Ready for another driving-related analogy?

I also don’t want to sit through any green lights.

I sit waiting for sixth-graders on a field trip.
How does driving a bus full of rowdy children fit into God's plan?

Okay, there’s absolutely a backstory to that. Nearly a year ago—or maybe it’s been a whole year—I approached our church’s interim pastor, “Doc,” with an idea. I wanted a new Bible study, I told him. I was hungry for Bible study and needed accountability. I couldn’t make it to our church’s Tuesday evening study because of ongoing commitments, and I didn’t feel it was welcoming toward younger women anyway. I wanted to start a Bible study that was open to any of the women of the church, but that would specifically draw moms and younger women.

That was a great idea, he told me. Go ahead and do it.

It wasn’t completely unexpected. When someone comes up with a new idea, a good leader will tell them to run with it. So I did. I researched and decided on Priscilla Shirer’s study, Gideon: Your Weakness. God’s Strength. I even went out and purchased the DVD and leader’s guide with my own money, because I did not want that Bible study to fall by the wayside. It had to happen.

But of course, it did. Fall by the wayside, I mean. First a scheduling conflict, then the holidays. Then more scheduling problems, then spring, followed by summer. I knew there was no way I could get a new Bible study up and going over the summer.

Then it was fall. Soccer. Drama club. Two new jobs. The Bible study was on the back burner, but I checked in with the church administrator occasionally to make sure it didn’t slide off the stove completely. She checked with me on scheduling. More recently, divisiveness and factions have reared their ugly heads. That only made me more convinced that this study needed to go forward. Finally, a date was set.

Today. It’s today. When the date was set, it felt like plenty of time. That was before our lives were turned completely upside down. This week, I’m coming off six straight days of work, four of them 12-hour days. I’ve attended two play performances to support my daughter and her friend. I’m exhausted. I’m distracted by the work I have to do over the weekend. That’s why I didn’t sit down to refresh myself on the first lesson of this study until this morning.

Such a good study. I’d recommend it (obviously). It hit me like a ton of bricks, though, when Shirer talked about a time she’d been so busy taking care of chaos in the back seat that she’s sat all the way through a green light. (As a mom, I related to that. As a bus driver…well, I’ve certainly blocked some traffic.) It was an illustration of how we get so caught up in our own lives that we miss the big green lights God sets in front of us. Like when we get so caught up in lost jobs and new jobs and daily routines and postponements, and we miss the opportunities that God is showing us—sometimes with big, flashing, neon signs.

She also mentioned her friend, Christine. I knew from the reference that she meant Christine Cain. I suddenly remembered that I had bought a book by Christine Cain weeks, maybe months, ago, and that it was still sitting on the shelf wrapped in cellophane. With the renewed energy and determination to dig deeper in my faith that the video had inspired, I pulled it off the shelf and dove into the forward of the book, Unexpected.

I can’t quote the whole forward here, both for space and legal reasons, but a few quotes jumped off the page.

“When God gave Abraham such an outlandish and unexpected promise, he simply believed God’s promise—he risked hope against all rational hope. He didn’t deny the facts of his circumstances, but he refused to believe they were the whole truth because they did not account for God’s promise” (page 13).

I almost dropped the book. Abraham answered God’s unexpected call because he recognized it as a green light. How many times do the green lights in our lives appear as unexpected circumstances? How many times are those circumstances unwelcome, uncomfortable, or outlandish?

I can’t pretend to know God’s plans for my future, for my family’s future. I don't know how bus driving and news reporting and dealing with rowdy children—and sometimes childish adults—plays into it. I’m only beginning to understand the unexpected green lights He’s giving me as I interact with people and circumstances I’ve never experienced before. I am, however, beginning to see how God is using the unexpected in our lives to grow us and prepare us to go full speed ahead.

“And, in our humanness, we will try to control everything—including God. Yet, we serve a God who refuses to be controlled by us. That’s because part of the mystery and the adventure of following Jesus is to trust him no matter what is going on around us. To keep our hearts completely open to him, so that when the unexpected happens, he can use it for our good. To free him to use the unexpected, a necessary catalyst, to grow us, sanctify us, and help us to see life with a whole new perspective, because nothing grows without disruption and interruption—without the unexpected” (Christine Cain, Unexpected, pg. 33).

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28, NIV).

Backseat Driver

I started this post several weeks ago. As you’ll see, though, I’ve been … busy.

There’s a line from a TobyMac song, “Backseat Driver,” that goes, “Thought I had it all right 'til the road went left….”

Boy, does that describe life. Three months ago, I thought I knew what the fall and winter would hold. I would continue to homeschool. I would blog, and experiment with homesteady things like making cheese and fermenting vegetables. I would…well, I would pretty much continue to do what I had been doing.

Oh, there were uncertainties, but I thought I even had a handle on them. These, not those, were the uncertainties I was facing. Would we find a new house and move? Would we stay in the general area or move across state lines? Would my children like soccer, and would public school teens accept my home-schooled daughter in their high school drama club?

In a parody of a cliche, that was soooo three month ago.

So many changes. In some ways, I hardly recognize my life any more. As of a month ago, I’m now a school bus driver. No, the irony doesn’t escape me. (Or is that irony? That word confuses me.) Anyway, I hired on with a local bus company at the end of August. I jumped through a whole lot of twirling, spinning hoops to make it into the driver’s seat four weeks ago.

Life as a small-town bus driver is full of stories. I'll share some later.

I knew going in that I would need a CDL (Commercial Driver’s License). I did not realize that the DMV and Oregon Department of Education team up together to torture, I mean train, prospective drivers. They make sure drivers know not only how to drive a bus, but also details like how to inspect the slack adjuster and how much tread depth is required on the tires. (No less than 4/32 of an inch on the front and 2/32 of an inch on the back, if you’re interested. You’re probably not.)

If you don’t know what a slack adjuster is, I’m going to let you look that one up.

I wasn’t surprised that I needed a drug test. The young woman who administered it, though, could either tell that I’d never taken one before or thought I was actually on drugs. (Wait. I have to put all my belongings in that locker and you don’t want me to flush?)

I didn’t realize I would need a special Department of Transportation physical, or that my left eye would fail the eyesight portion and I would need a special note from my optometrist.

I didn’t realize my driver’s test would take three hours, or how many more hours I would spend waiting in the DMV.

I now get up at 5 a.m. four or five days a week to be at my bus by 5:45, to be on the road by 6:15. I return in the afternoon to be at the elementary school by 3:15. I finish my route by 5 p.m.-ish, depending on how many students are on the bus and how badly behaved they are after having to sit still most of the day. Believe me, stories from those drives are a whole post on their own.

In the midst of all this, my son's soccer team placed third in the league playoffs.

It’s a huge change, but only the tip of the iceberg. My husband has gone from a daily commute of nearly 150 miles to no commute at all. That changed the day before I passed my CDL test. Since then, he’s been busy applying for substitute teach jobs while looking for something more long-term. The need for house hunting has been removed, at least for the moment. (He also had to take a drug test. I warned him about the whole not flushing thing.)

That will also partly explain my apparent fit of insanity when I walked into the newspaper where I used to work and requested my old job back. So, yes, I now work two part-time jobs, one as a school bus driver and the other as a news editor.

Homeschooling has been turned on its head, with my hubby picking up much of my slack for the moment.

And I’m tired. So, so tired.

If anyone had told me three months ago that my life would look like this at the end of October, I wouldn’t have believed it. It’s certainly not the direction I would have set my own life GPS. I’ve had to hang on to everything I believe and tell myself, “Don’t be a backseat driver.” God is certainly in the driver’s seat here. I certainly am not. Okay, well, I am, literally, but I’m not. I have no illusions now that I know what tomorrow or the next day will bring. I can only hang on and know that there is a lesson in here somewhere—for me, for my husband, for my children. There are experiences God wants us to have that are unlike any of our experiences before.

It goes back to a saying I’ve heard several times. “I’ve learned two things in life: There is a God, and I’m not Him.”

And I’m certainly not going to be a backseat driver.

Beauty and Function: Foraging in the Flower Bed

My garden and flower beds are sadly neglected this year, but even a quick trip
yields a harvest of flowers and herbs for both food and medicine.
In this photo are rosemary, yarrow, thyme, sage, mint, and lavender, among others.

I love growing plants that are both beautiful and functional. That’s not to say I won’t grow plants for either function or beauty, but if they supply both, it’s definitely a plus. That’s why you’ll find my garden and flower beds filled with plants like yarrow, lavender, and mint. (Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme are in there, too, but I think that’s a different blog post.) I can’t do more than touch on a few of them, but here are three of my favorites:

Peppermint uses go far beyond candy canes.

Peppermint

Have you ever driven by a peppermint field? That scent! It can carry on the breeze for miles. Mint plants of all types love water, which can be a challenge in this area. I solve the problem by planting it near a constant water source. Currently, that means a spigot near the garden, where the mint frequently gets excess water dripped or splashed on it. Careful, though! In the right conditions, it can absolutely take over your garden or flower bed, so either plant it where you don’t mind the spread or be prepared to battle its progress every year. I don’t mind the spread of mine. I harvest vast quantities every year for drying. (For tea, of course, but my Italian husband has also shown me how to use it in meatballs, and I’m hooked.)

The dark-green leaves provide a cool touch in a dry landscape, and this well-known herb does sport beautiful purple flowers if you let it go to bloom. And, yes, we all know about peppermint candy canes and peppermint tea. But there’s far more to this plant than taste alone.

Peppermint is a soothing aromatic—a cup of peppermint tea is a delight to both the tastebuds and the nose. It’s not just the smell, though. Though it can increase heartburn in some people, Peppermint is generally an antacid, and it is effective against nausea and vomiting. It helps expel gas, though I'm sure you never have that problem. It’s diaphoretic, meaning it can induce perspiration, so is somewhat useful for colds and fevers. It can help soothe headaches, and I diffuse the essential oil either alone or with lavender oil to help with headaches. I also diffuse it, alone or with eucalyptus and Cyprus oils, to ease congestion. 

Lavender not only smells good, but it can also relieve pain.

Lavender

Of all the plants I could name on this list, lavender is probably the best known and most beloved. Its masses of small purple (or should I say, lavender) flowers always brighten my day, not to mention the smell! We’re all familiar with that relaxing scent. Drought-resistant varieties like French lavender grow well in this climate with minimal watering, and I have two huge plants that have made themselves the showpieces of my front flowerbed. I’ve used the flowers several times to add scent in soap making. I’ve even made lavender cookies and gelato! Its abilities go far beyond that, though.

Lavender is a mild analgesic, meaning it can be used to relieve pain, so it’s helpful for headaches and migraines. I often put the essential oil in a diffuser along with peppermint and Cyprus oils for just that purpose. Lavender essential oil is antifungal and can be used on burns. Finally, it’s an aromatic and relaxant, easing tension and anxiety, lifting mood, and even mildly antidepressant. 

Yarrow is a medicinal powerhouse.

Yarrow

Yarrow’s simple clusters of small white flowers are unassuming but lovely as they blanket the hills of Eastern Oregon in spring and early summer. It takes a rugged plant to grow wild around here—cold winters, hot summers, semi-arid and drought-ridden, shallow and rocky soil—but yarrow is a survivor. In fact, it’s pretty prolific and will take over given the right conditions. It’s certainly doing its best in my flower bed, but I don’t really mind. It also makes an excellent ground cover instead of grass when kept mown.

Moreover, yarrow is a powerhouse of medicinal remedies. It’s anti-inflammatory and anti-viral. It’s a fever reducer and induces perspiration. Finally, it can help heal wounds and stem bleeding.

I’ve personally made it into tinctures for internal use, but I find it more palatable to make the flowers into tea. The tea can be used for colds, fever, and even menstrual cramps**. My friend, Dorene, over at Faith-Family-Farm recently wrote an excellent post on using the leaves to make a healing salve. I haven’t tried it yet, but it’s on my extensive to-do list. I’d also like to try it in some homemade soap.

**Please note: Women who may be pregnant should be careful taking yarrow internally, as it can sometimes cause miscarriage. It’s always best to do your own research from reliable sources before using any herbal remedy!

One more benefit to these three plants? The bees love them! That’s a win-win for everybody.

My front flowerbed follows the riotous pattern of an English country garden,
with plants chosen for beauty, but also for function such as food, medicine,
and pollinator forage.

Feeling Feta

Not a perfect attempt, but pretty tasty, all the same.

In journalism school, we were taught rules for writing headlines. Among them were no alliterations and absolutely no puns. I obviously took the advice to heart.

I started this post a couple of weeks ago. On that mid-July morning, the air had a touch of fall, and there was a faint autumnal note from my front-porch windchime.

At least, I thought so.

Not so today. We’re in the middle of a heat wave, and the forecast for today is a balmy 106 degrees. Like every day this week, it’s a perfect day to stay inside. It’s not a perfect day to bake. I’m baking anyway, of course, because I need more biscotti for the farmers market this afternoon.

It’s been a rough few weeks. I had a busy week helping with Vacation Bible School, followed by a frustrating week of yet another bad summer cold. That was followed by a span of depression and apathy. To be honest, I haven’t quite snapped out of that last one. I know it’s compounded by the fact that we gave away four of our litter of kittens, only to have their mother disappear and the remaining kitten fall ill and die. In only a few days, we went from seven cats back down to one. Our faithful Jello remains, as does our dog, Teeny (aka “Mousebreath”).

Enough depressing news, though. I said I’ve been dabbling. While many of my dabbling plans were sidelined by recent events, I did carry one project through to something of a success.

Feta.

I’ve never attempted cheese before. The process has always intimidated the heck out of me. Rising prices have put me on self-suffiency kick, though, and cheese seems like one of those things a self-sufficient homesteader would know how to make. I looked up several completely from-scratch recipes, some of which I may be brave enough to try some day. In the end, I chickened out and bought a feta cheese starter from Cultures for Health.

Caveat here—I used cow’s milk. According to purists like the European Union, this apparently means I didn’t make feta at all, since real feta is made of sheep’s milk with no more than 30 percent goat milk. Whatever. I have no sheep or goats to milk, but I do have whole milk from Walmart. That seemed good enough for a trial that had no guarantee of producing something edible.

Milk, heated slowly to a low temperature, plus rennet and feta starter.

The starter definitely made the process easier, but I don’t think it made it idiot proof. I heated the milk and added the starter per the directions. After letting it sit overnight, it had developed what looked like a pretty good curd, at least to my untrained eye.

Somehow, I think the curd needed to set more.

It turns out you have to cut the curd. I did this, and the curd suddenly looked less defined. That didn’t seem good.

By the time I got the curds into the colander, I wasn't sure they were curds at all.

I let the cut curds sit for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, before moving the curds to a colander to begin draining the whey. (I used a floursack towel as my cloth. Seemed to work.) The directions said to make a bag out of the cloth and hang it to drain. I couldn’t understand how I was supposed to do that until I found a picture online. It looked a lot like this:

It doesn't look fancy, but it did the job.

It took more than the prescribed four hours for the whey to drain off. I knew going in that I would get more whey than cheese, but I had no real concept of exactly how much whey I would be dealing with. I got nearly three quarts of whey from my gallon of milk.

The curds I had left were put in a sterilized jar with a brine solution and left in the fridge for several days. This was good, because I got that summer cold soon after putting the curds in to brine, so I had some breathing space before I needed to deal with the cheese again.

My Cultures for Health directions conveniently ended there. I used my common sense, such as it is, to pull the cheese from the brine and drain it again. It was pretty soggy, but after a bit of draining, it looked something like cheese. A soft cheese, granted, but cheese.

It never did get solid and crumbly like the feta I’m used to from the store. I don’t know if that means I made a mistake or if the cow’s milk changed the consistency. The starter package came with enough starter for four batches, so I will have the opportunity to try it again. Maybe I can get my hands on some sheep’s milk (I happen to know a gal…).

It worked where it mattered, though. It tastes like feta! Well, if feta were made from cow’s milk. While the consistency is similar to cream cheese, spreading rather than crumbling, it tastes divine spread on a slice of French bread. 

I managed to drain the cheese a little more after this photo, but it still spreads rather than crumbles.

All that remained was to find a use for all that whey. It turns out there are many, many ways to use whey. For me, the easiest and most obvious was to use it as the liquid base for a smoothie. (I did try drinking it straight. Tasted kind of like buttermilk.) As with the cheese itself, I have more research and more experimenting to do. I’m feeling good about the prospect.

Whey, a natural source of protein, makes a pretty good base for a smoothie.

 

Writer of All Trades

One thing I love about it writing is the ability it gives me to learn about so many other subjects.

An old chestnut states, “Write what you know.” Some people are experts at a topic or skill and write from that expertise. I’ve never mastered any skill except writing (and some might debate that). I love writing, and it normally comes easily to me. In order to write about something well, though, you have to know enough about it to explain it to someone else.

That’s the real work of writing—knowing something well and being able to pass on that knowledge. In the course of my life, I’ve learned many things and interviewed many people. Not as many as more famous, prolific writers, but enough to know more than most about an embarrassing number of topics—and yet not enough to be an expert in any of them. I find myself being a “jack of all trades and master of none,” and it’s okay. I think that’s the place most professional writers find themselves living. It’s a state of constant curiosity, of exploration and expansion and reinvention.

I remember a professor in graduate school telling a story about author Debbie Macomber. If I remember that discussion (it was 20 years ago, so forgive me if I get the details wrong), she was already a successful writer when she saw that knitting was coming back into fashion as a pastime.

She decided to center her next novels around that trend, but first had to research the world of knitting in order to have an authentic backdrop for her novels. The Blossom Street novels were born, along with several other non-fiction forays into knitting and knitting patterns. I confess that I have never followed Macomber's books, but I have no doubt she has since reinvented her novels and, in a sense, herself.

For me, reinventing myself is not a matter of being uncomfortable in my own skin. It’s more of a curiosity about what it’s like to live in someone else’s skin for a while. I think it must be similar to acting. I immerse myself in a world for a while, and then move on.

So what have I been doing lately? I’ve been dabbling, expanding. When I’ve dabbled a bit more, I’ll share what I’ve learned.

Maybe one of these days I will become an expert on keeping my house clean.

Speaking of knitting, I found these rascals playing with my circular
knitting needles a few minutes ago. I love these kittens to death,
but at eight weeks old, they do nothing to help keep the
house clean, and a lot to make it dirty--such as when they knock over
my basket of needlework and take a nap on top of the contents.

Misadventures in Macarons

Some days are more frustrating than others.

I had big plans for this week. These plans were based on the fact that my oldest daughter is at summer camp for a week and my husband is at a work retreat for three days. Somehow, in my mind, that translated to an ability to get more done. I’m not sure why, since I’ve actually lost the two lowest-maintenance and most helpful members of the family.

Last week I bit the bullet and ventured into the world of biscotti.

Last week was the first week of the local farmers market. I’ve always wanted to make biscotti but have always been intimidated, so I decided to tackle that fear and made not one, but five different flavors to sell at the farmers market. The super-crunchy cookies were so much easier than I ever imagined, especially with this Classic Biscotti Recipe – Four Ways from Kristine’s Kitchen. I promised myself several more flavors for the market this week, and have already knocked out lemon and anise.

The biscotti was such a success, both in ease and in farmers market sales,
that I'm back at it this week. So far I've made anise (above) and lemon.
I plan to add almond and hazelnut to the mix

That’s the good news. Meanwhile, I’m dealing with a nine- and ten-year-old, who both have an endless supply of observations and “what if” and “why” questions. I have a barking dog. I have a cranky old cat, and a mother cat with five kittens underfoot—under my feet, that is. I have dishes to do, flower beds to weed, a garden to finish planting, and … in a paraphrase of the Disney song, “We don’t talk about laundry, no, no.…”

The obvious way to deal with all of that is to tackle another intimidating (but actually difficult) recipe I have on my bucket list.

Macarons. That’s macarons with one “o,” not to be confused with macaroons, which are tasty but not nearly so particular. Macarons are French and, like many French foods, have an attitude all their own. I found a French macaron recipe by John Kanell on his Preppy Kitchen blog, which seemed to have enough directions and tips for a nervous novice like me.

Did I mention I have two children talking at me nonstop? They’re like a noisy little conversational tag team, though they don’t always take turns. I blame that, not the recipe author, for how this recipe has gone.

There's the meringue, lingering at the soft peak stage.

First, for the first time in several months, if not years, I failed to correctly separate an egg on the first try. That’s a no-no for these meringue-based confections.

Second, the recipe called for two kinds of sugar. I perused the directions for when to add the granulated sugar. (“Mommy, what if you met a seven-foot-tall Chinese man?”) Not seeing it, I assumed the author neglected to say they should both be added to the almond flour at once. Not until later did I see that I was to add the granulated sugar to the egg whites before beating. Oops. That’s probably going to change something.

It doesn't really look like lava to me.

Third, egg whites linger at the soft-peak stage forever. That’s not really news since it’s always true for me, but it is irritating.

Fourth, the directions said to fold the dry ingredients into the meringue until the batter reached the consistency of “lava.” That’s interesting. It never did, which of course has nothing to do with adding the sugar at the wrong time.

Wrong piping tip, but they're kind of pretty. I didn't bother
trying to fill them this week. Heaven only knows what would 
have happened.

And, as I filled the pastry bag to pipe the macarons onto the baking sheet, I realized I didn’t have a plain round tip large enough to pipe the cookies without making a mess of them. I improvised. I eventually ended up with something pretty, if not macaron-looking.

Two things I did right—they taste good, and I think they’re the right size.

Never mind. I just realized my count is off by half a dozen.

I’ll try again next week.

The macarons won't be going to farmers market this week, but
they're still good with a mid-morning cup of coffee

In Patience, or Out of It

There’s an old saying: “Be careful what you pray for. You just may get it.”

I learned long ago not to pray for patience.

I’ve also heard Christian authors and speakers say that when they write a book on a certain topic, that is the worst season in their life for that topic. Write a book on marriage—have difficulties in marriage. Write a book on community—struggle with loneliness.

Shortly after my last blog post, I was reflecting on all the waiting we do in life, from waiting on God to waiting for food to ferment. I thought, I’ve made pretty good progress with patience. I should write a blog post about it.

A month ago, I researched how to grow sweet potatoes and decided
to begin my own process with a store-bought sweet potato.

What a terrible idea.

Everything went wrong. The weather turned bad again. I lost precious patience resources as I had to wait yet again to accomplish long-neglected outside chores. Even worse, my own mood has always been linked to the sun—or lack of it—and I quickly became moody and tired, losing patience with my own weakness.

My sweet potato experiment began May 19.

Inside chores went undone, causing me to lose patience with the housework.

My children forgot every bit of character training they’ve ever had, arguing constantly and pushing every last button I have. My patience wore paper thin.

I caught a doozy of a cold that knocked me sideways for several days, which again made me impatient with my own body as my children fended for themselves and piles of dishes and laundry grew higher.

By May 30, I had a tiny sprout and a tendril of root on one sweet potato.

Our internet went down and remained down for a week. It wore on me as I waited for it to be restored so I could complete online tasks that had already been left too long. Worse, anyone who has been in a house with modern children during bad weather with no internet access will know that the whining and fighting increased exponentially.

June 13, healthy sprouts and more roots.

I was still struggling with remnants of my cold when I babysat a couple of my friend’s children, including a two-year-old. I’d planned to putter around with chores and let the toddler hang out with me. That was the morning the water was shut off for two hours without warning.

That was when I finally admitted, Okay, God, I get it. I’m not that great at patience!

Now, on June 20, I think this sprouted sweet potato may be ready for the next step.

(Just now, as I was trying to find words for my next sentence, my teen daughter walked in and promptly began spewing out every thought in her head without regard for what I’m doing at this computer. Breathe in… Breathe out… One… Two… Three… )

If I can regain the point I nearly lost just now, I know I’m not trying to say God likes to mess with us. However, like any good parent, He never misses a good teaching moment. It’s as if, the moment we think we’re ready to graduate, He hands us the midterm. If you’re like me, you find yourself barely passing the test, if not failing outright.

I have grown in patience. I can look back and see the unsteady progress I’ve made over long years. I have not reached the pinnacle of mastery, however. I never will this side of heaven.

Not everyone reading this is a homeschooler. Let me tell you, as a homeschooler, one of my least favorite statements from non-homeschooling parents is, “Oh, I would never have the patience to homeschool.”

No kidding. No one does. If life is a testing ground for the things God wants us to learn, like patience, homeschooling is a pressurized environment that amplifies everything tenfold. At times I compare it to living in a pressure-cooker. I don’t homeschool because I have exceptional patience. Any patience I have has grown through homeschooling.

Last year, before my husband left his job, I bought a fig sapling.
I had a spot picked for it off the back corner of the house.
With our future suddenly in the air, though, I decided not to put it in the ground,
but to keep it in a pot. It overwintered by a window in our office.
Several times I thought I was going to lose it.
Now, more than a year later, it has several green figs clustering on its branches.

As I fail those tests, though, I find myself most of all losing patience with myself. How can I have been through so much and still get it so wrong? Knowing weakness, how do I so quickly condemn others for theirs? Experiencing grace, why am I so slow to extend it?

Knowing God’s patience, how is it so difficult to be patient with myself and others?

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

It’s a good thing God is so patient with such a slow learner.