The Spring of Our Discontent

Today I explained to (she would say “lectured at”) my daughter about the realm of discontent.

Discontent occurs when expectation and reality don’t match. I read that in an article once. I don’t remember where. I don’t remember if it was a Christian article. I think not, actually, but there’s still a gem of wisdom in it. We all have expectations—some high, some low, some mediocre. Often, we have unrealistic expectations of near-perfection, but reality falls far short.

It’s in that gap, that shortfall between reality and expectation, that discontent dwells.

If my near-10-year-old wakes up with the expectation that her mother has made her do schoolwork three days in a row and, therefore, she won’t possibly be made to do schoolwork a fourth day in a row…well, reality won’t match her expectation. Discontent sets in, with a bad attitude and a short temper not far behind.

If I wake up with the expectation that it is a school day and that all my children will cheerfully complete their assignments with no argument and little urging…well, reality won’t match my expectation. Discontent sets in, with a bad attitude and a short temper not far behind.

If I expect my daughter to take her puppy out regularly so accidents don’t occur, but instead find a puddle on my kitchen floor…reality hasn’t matched my expectation.

If I expect to have a few quiet minutes to write a blog post without my children breaking out in violent arguments…well, you know.

Often, we hold those around us—our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends, our coworkers, our pastors—to unrealistically high expectations. Sometimes we hold even ourselves to such unbearably high expectations, though I’d argue we don’t do it near as often. When reality crashes in on us, we experience discontent. A bad attitude and a short temper follow not far behind. It’s ugly enough when one person in a room is living in a state of discontent. When two or more dwell there, it’s downright toxic.

I’m not that discontented today. I can’t say that on a regular basis. I wish I could, but all too often I hold those around me to expectations they certainly can’t meet. Today, though, I began with reasonable expectations. (Okay, I’m getting a little irritated by all the interruptions. Still.…) I know my children have been dragging their heels over their school work all week, so I expected today to be the same. I know they’ve been squabbling all week. Yup, today is the same. In other words, if I expect my children to need training and guidance because they’re not perfect angels…well, reality certainly meets my expectations.

(Update: I did not expect my six-year-old son to sneak into the fridge and drink a cup of whipping cream I planned to use for dinner tonight. I now feel discontented.)

I’m not saying we should have low expectations. I don’t expect my children to be completely undisciplined hellions who never learn to read and write. We certainly shouldn’t wake up every morning expecting the worst from everyone around us, or thinking that surely some (inter)national disaster will hit. There are things we should never be content with—slavery and human trafficking, for example. We should never be so “content” with those being in the world that we fail to act. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, exactly, except to say there’s a balance.

My oldest pronounced today “the worst day ever.” Why? No one close to us died. There were no natural disasters in our sphere of life. We didn’t lose our home and my husband didn’t lose his job. So what, aside from pre-pubescent hyperbole, made this “the worst day ever”?

She has a cold sore. The play tunnel broke, and her brother’s being a pain. She lost a paper dragon she made out of scrap paper. She had to do math. And that’s when I had to sit her down and explain to her that her expectations for this day were unrealistic and would lead to discontent. Schoolwork and chores will always be here in some form. Aches and pains are part of having a physical body. Toys will break, and little bothers certainly will be a pain. The reality we face may not, probably will not, change, but our expectations certainly can. And when our expectations change, so can our reactions. We no longer have to live in a state of discontent.

But this isn’t just some exercise of willpower or mental strength. I think that, while our expectations in life are often unrealistic, our expectations of God can be, too. Not that we expect too much from God. Quite the opposite. Our expectations are often too low. Got that? We don’t expect as much as we should from God.

The book of Philippians is a great example of contentment. I quoted Philippians 4 several weeks ago on a different topic, but it fits so perfectly well here, I can’t help but quote it again:

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4: 11-13, ESV).

Did you catch that part at the end? I think part of Paul’s secret was not only a realistic view of humanity, though he had that in spades, but also a realistic view of God.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28, NIV).

Paul knew, his expectation was, that whatever happened, God was behind the scenes, working His own purpose. Shipwrecks, beatings, jail time, none of it mattered, because he expected God to have his back. God, the all-powerful Creator of the universe. The one-and-only God who loved his creatures so much he took on human form, died on a cross for our sins and was resurrected to conquer death once and for all. Yeah, that God. Maybe it’s a large concept to expect a 10-year-old to grasp, especially when it’s difficult for a 40-year-old. It’s probably what I should have led with, though. With expectations like that, who can be anything but content?

I’ve rambled in this post, and may have gotten off topic. It may be because I have been interrupted approximately 50 times by arguments, tattling, crying, random stories, and Chinese dragons like this one:

This slapstick Chinese dragon was one of my blog-writing interruptions today.

Of course, I should have expected all of it!  I will try to be content, though, remembering that “godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Tim. 6:6).

On a side note, one of my expectations for today was that I would paint a second hive box so I could put a two-gallon top feeder in it to give my new second colony a boost. Mission accomplished! I feel pretty content about that.

Hive box painted!

Feeder and box on for the new colony. Mission accomplished!